Return of The Light is NOT Always as Expected...

It has been a very busy month for me and up until a couple days ago I had only 1 day on my calendar that I was not “otherwise engaged”

But on December 20th, I woke early- I wake earlier each day as the Winter Solstice approaches- and it was cold, but clear. As the next day was scheduled to be rainy and cloudy, and we have had some very grey days, I decide to bundle up- warm up the car and go down to the beach to watch the sunrise.

I went out to warm up the car and the moon was its beautiful ball of silver and two planets looked as if there were aligned above the moon.

I bundled up and got ready as the car was warming up, then drove down to the local beach. Parked the car and went to walk along the beach- but had to come back up to the road as it was high tide and I couldn’t get around a section because it was above the log breakwater.

I walk along the road a bit more, then move to a section I can see over the breakwater and stand there…it was still pretty dark as the day started to wake up and the moon was behind me- and there was fresh snow on the mountains.

AS I’m standing there I see someone walking along the road towards me and I’m thinking “Is that himself?” and then himself says.” Is that a Suzy?” – I did have my green Santa hat on- and sure enough it was himself.

We stood there and chatted for a bit- the only two down there, then we walked down to the end of the road and back to keep warm, and chatted along the way. Both in Awe of the beauty around us.

We talked about connection to the elemental, how we all have stardust in us, that for me this celebration of the season is about the return of the light, how being connected to the land, water, earth is fundamental to us etc, etc etc…it was lovely.

Getting back to the other end we walk down onto the beach and stand on the frozen sand to watch the sun come up.

A low band of clouds lay out along the horizon, so the sunrise would not be as “dramatic or clear” as when it looks when it comes right into view unblocked- but what we didn’t realize- is that this would be much more magical.

Whilce waiting there, two immature Bald Eagles fly closely overhead. Then we see and hear a mature Bald eagle in a tree nearby, full moon still out and the snow-covered mountains look as if they are glowing.

Turning our attention back to the horizon the sun starts to rise. We can see it behind the clouds- some of clouds having a bit of a pink streak in them, but as I watch, it looks as if the clouds just above the top arch of the sun- are a glowing a brilliant white-but it’s just in that one area. The white is bright like when magnesium burns- its almost hurting the eyes- .

I think it must be my eyes, then Himself says- “the clouds look blazing white just above the arch of the sun”

As I continue to watch I took a couple pictures with my phone and have a look at them. They look blurry, and I think it’s because I don’t have my reading glasses on. I look back at the sun, and it’s got blurred edges, but then it looks like its shimmering and changing between silver and gold. Just as I say this to myself, Himself says “It looks like its shimmering” so, it wasn’t just me.

When the sun did manage to come through spots where there were no clouds- for those moments you could feel the heat of the sun.

It was magical, and I was in Awe. I had never experienced anything like that before.

The sun continued to shimmer and shine and those moments, standing on the beach with my friend, knowing that over 5500 years ago our ancestors were doing the same thing, celebrating the return of the light, was food for my soul.

I felt connected to my friend, the land, the air, the elemental, my ancestors.

Once the sunrise was complete it was time to get on with our day.

As I came up from the beach, I saw a bench with frost on it- the sunlight was hitting it.

I instinctively took a picture of it.

It got me to thinking of all those who have sat with me while I waited for the light to return. Sometimes it was a short visit, sometimes it was much longer visits, and they assured me it would get better.

Sometimes, in those moments, the return of the light was obvious and clear, and sometimes like that morning, it was less focused.

As I learned that morning of the Winter Solstice sunrise, being less “clear and focused” has a richness, depth and beauty and one finds many treasures along the way.

For the rest of that morning I thought about my journey, the challenges, losses, the work, and my personal dark times, -which there were many- and those that sat with me and supported me until the light came back into my being.

As I write this, it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, they were holding “my” light for me, until I was ready once again, to bring it home where it belonged.

There have been so many people, too many to mention who have helped with this. I think back to where I came from, my journey, and I think. Wow, who would have known!!

Maybe that’s why I do the work I do.

I remember what it feels like to have lost one’s light.

Maybe I do the work I do to remind people that their light matters, and that in those dark times, there may be people who hold the light for them. Or to let them know that the universes is holding it for them, until they are ready to bring it back home.

And never would I have dreamed my life would be as amazing, wonderful rich and full like it is.

I never dreamed I would ever get up in front of people and talk- I was terrified to do that in school. And I never dreamed I would put myself in a position to stand up and be noticed- and here I am preparing for #TEDxSurrey

And, I am doing this for the same reason. To let people knowthat they matter, life can get better, life can be good, and hold onto your dreams.

I guess that’s it for now, take good care of yourself.

Take you light out for a walk, and tell it you are happy its with you, and maybe, help others to notice theirs while you are at it.

If you are having a hard time finding your light, have a seat on that bench on the beach and think of me, and the universe, sitting with you, until it returns.

Stay safe and thanks for coming along on this journey with me.

Until next time

Suzy