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I thought for awhile about writing this post, but then thought If I was going to write about all the challenges of preparing for this trip, then I had to be honest and this part also needs to be included.
As I have mentioned, pushing myself physically is challenging for me in many ways, and for me, that means a lot of psychological work needs to happen. Some of this work I have done on my own, some I have worked through with my therapist. I am excited about this amazing adventure I am about to go on, and I am counting down the weeks.
I am also overwhelmed by the support I am receiving on many levels. To the folks who are doing what they are doing to make sure this is going to happen for me, to the folks who have contributed to my fundraising efforts by donating and spreading the word, to my friends who are encouraging me and telling me I can do this, those that are helping me train and to my physiotherapist who has drastically cut his fee so that I can afford to see him as much as needed, to work on my planter fasciitis and IT band. Its like I have this whole team around and supporting me on this, and believe in what I am doing. It is amazing!
However, I have noticed this past week, while taking a break to rest my body, I have been very irritable, not wanting to be around people, and just feeling fed up with it all. My sleep has been interrupted, I have moments when I get cold and cant seem to warm up, and then I get that tall tale sign for me, I get shivers that run down my body. That's when I realize my brain must be processing something.
This time of the year is always a rough one for me, even after all the years of work I have done in therapy it can still be tough. For many reasons, I wont go into here, but it took me awhile to finally figure out thats what going on and my brain and body needs to process that trauma.
Then add on top all the wonderful things that are happening to me and the support I am getting, and that is a great contrast from what I didn't have, so that also needs to be processed. I have been through this before on so many levels, and I know what I need to do and the self care that will be in store. As the phrase says " been there, done that, got the T-Shirt"
This is my reality of living with a mental illness. The good news is I have come a long way and know how best to support myself when this happens. So, I am going to spend the next few days resting and doing the self care and processing what needs to be processed. I'm going to be gentle with myself and not beat myself up for not making it to the gym. I will take some gentle solitary walks, and have tea in my garden. I may, or may not visit with friends, and I will just take it easy and let the brain do what it needs to do. I know in a few days the fog will clear, I will feel better and be back to my normal self and once again train and prepare for this amazing opportunity that I am about to embark on.
Thanks again for joining me on this journey and stay tuned for the next chapter
Suzy